


Last Winterbreak

by whatsyeroffer



Series: Album Fics [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Break Up and Make Up, F/F, Human AU, Sorta friends with benefits, lil steam in the middle but nothing overly graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:04:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11592570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsyeroffer/pseuds/whatsyeroffer
Summary: Astra and Alex broke up after emotional strains and a couple lies. Astra comes back to National City to get some closure and Alex can finally let go of some guilt. A second chance might just heal them both. Human AU-





	Last Winterbreak

**Author's Note:**

> Based on: About U - MUNA
> 
> Okay, well. This has been an idea of mine since Maddy first introduced me to the album! MUNA is an incredible band and I def listen to it once a week. The biggest track inspirations were (obv) Winterbreak, Promise, If U Love Me Now, and Everything~
> 
> If not the whole album, then def listen to those songs...
> 
> Enjoy! Cause this was hell to write in my current emotional state. My heart goes out to all the Supercorp shippers.

Everything was the same as she had left it…The noisy city, the cracked sidewalk, the neon lights of restaurants and bars. Even the anarchy sticker she had place on this intersection's post. Astra pressed the call button for the crosswalk and sighed. Returning to National City after three long months had been a hard choice.

And every step down the street brought back memory after memory of her time with Alex, who was the reason she left in the first place.

Astra knew seeking out the woman who had broken her heart wasn't the most logical move, but she needed the closure. Her breakup with Alex, if one could even call it that, had been ugly and downright painful like a sword through her chest… But Astra had spent their months apart healing her heart and coming to terms with what happened. She wanted to tell her there were no hard feelings. She needed to ask for forgiveness too.

And things were different now. Their situation had changed so maybe… She felt foolish for hoping they could try again.

She neared _their_ favorite bar and her stomach flipped. Despite her internal distress, she kept an apathetic expression as she pulled the door open. The bar was less crowded than she anticipated.

Astra took a seat at the bar stool closest to the door and scanned the room. Conflicted, she almost didn't want to see her here. Against that fleeting wish, she spotted her. Alex was clear across the dimly lit building. She looked beautiful with her hair slightly curled and a shade more auburn than she remembered. Leaning against the pool table in her leather jacket and tight jeans, she was sexy.

Astra felt the familiar pull of want around her hips. Then the ache in her heart doubled to overshadow her lust. It would have been so much easier back then if they had maintained their 'no feelings' rule. It would have been so much easier _now_ because the torment of seeing Alex again was nothing compared to the betrayal of seeing her flirting with a shorter Latina woman. Her eyes narrowed, fighting a scowl.

She had no right to be jealous, of course. But Astra wasn't about to 'logic away' her feelings, she had seen far too much damage done to attempt that. So she watched, biting back a growl, and reminded herself that even if they couldn't get together again she still needed to talk. And Alex had better listen when they did. All that determination flew out the door, as did she, when a few minutes later Alex's eyes locked on hers.

* * *

Alex held her pool stick in one hand and took a swig of her beer with the other. She was stalling, smug at Maggie's impatience. Before the other woman could say something though, she set down her drink and moved to stand next to her crush. She bumped hips with her, "Move over," She joked and haphazardly took aim.

She got close to knocking a ball in, but close only counted in horseshoes. Maggie laughed and took a swig of Alex's beer.

Alex didn't even complain. She hugged the shorter woman from behind, still waiting for some spark.

"Trying to cheat, Danvers?" Maggie asked, smirking.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Alex returned, grabbing her beer, and moved around to the other side of the table so Maggie could level her gaze with the pool table.

As she took a sip, she scanned the room by force of habit, and immediately did a spit take. She met those same grey eyes that had haunted her in her sleep. The unforgettable lock of silver mixed in with curly brown hair confirmed the phantom's identity. Alex doubled over, choking on her drink.

Maggie was at her side, rubbing her back and laughing. "Oh my god, Danvers, are you okay?"

Alex caught her breath and looked up and back at the bar. Wild brown eyes searched for Astra again, but she was gone.

"Dude, seriously." Maggie patted her back a little harder. "Did you see a ghost or something?"

She nodded, heart racing. Alex thought Astra had left forever. She blinked rapidly to ground herself against the hope that she would show up to save her. Three months she had waited for her to swoop in so they could go back to how things were before she ruined everything. The self-loathing and regret bit hard, but it was near constant at this point.

Alex barely noticed Maggie shift away from her.

"Um, let's call it a night? We can try again tomorrow." Maggie's voice cut through the inner turmoil.

Alex shook herself back to reality, "Wait, I'm sorry." She looked down at the other woman and everything felt different. It felt wrong to even be here. "I just, I thought I saw someone I knew."

"Is that how you always react?" She teased with a laugh.

"No," Alex tried to smile, but seeing Astra had shaken her. Those feelings for Maggie she had been trying so hard to cultivate now seemed faded. And god dammit, that was shitty.

She leaned down to brush her lips against Maggie's, wanting to reclaim the few fleeting flutters. It was a good enough kiss but,

"Danvers," Maggie said once she had pulled back. She looked up with a rueful smile and Alex knew exactly where this was heading. "You didn't do anything wrong, but I don't think we have any chemistry."

She couldn't do anything but sigh and walk away, ignoring the other woman's protests.

* * *

Astra escaped to the nightclub down the block they used to frequent. She berated herself for leaving again, so she ordered a drink to complete the melodramatic air she despised. Apparently the threat of vulnerability was still daunting. The proud General resolved herself and looked to the universe for guidance.

Rao, a star far away and yet still so close to her heart, delivered.

The chair next to hers scraped loud against the floor and she looked over and there was Alex. Her eyebrows were furrowed, her mouth set in a small frown.

"Astra, what are you doing here?" She yelled to be heard over the music.

Astra took a sip of her drink, "Officially, visiting Kara." She found solace in her confidence. She leaned close to say, "Unofficially… I wanted to see you."

Alex sucked in a surprised breath. Then the bartender came by, a much needed distraction, and Alex ordered a double Jack and coke. Something she only drank when she was upset, though given the circumstances it was appropriate.

The short-haired woman worried her lip for a moment, "Um, so how have you been?"

"I have been well," Alex's drink arrived and she took a couple gulps of it. Astra watched, amused, as she reacted to the strong taste of alcohol. "And yourself?"

Alex shrugged, "The same, I guess."

"I am surprised you left that other woman to follow me," She sounded smug.

"I didn't exactly expect to see you here either."

Astra smirked, "So she dumped you because you spat your beer everywhere when you saw me?"

"Shut up," She snorted, unable to help herself. In hindsight that was an embarrassing way to react. "I came here to drink and get away from her."

"Then drink, Brave One." She knocked their glasses together good-naturedly.

"I haven't heard that name in months," She sighed wistful. She realized the alcohol was already fogging her brain when she admitted, "I kinda missed it."

Alex ordered another drink, biting her tongue so she wouldn't add on something cheesy like _I kinda missed you._

"I am the only one allowed to call you that," Astra said in a hard tone that made Alex shiver. She shifted in her chair, closer to the other woman, haughty. Faux possessiveness still turned her on and it was reassuring. The General could easily fall back into that persona that delighted Alex in bed.

"Finish your drink so that we may dance together."

Alex gladly completed the command. She wanted to be in a weaker state of mind to deal with this- this whatever the fuck they were doing.

How was it that Astra could just show up after being gone for months and they could go back to how it was before?

 _Cause we're always so fuckin' good together_ , Alex eyed Astra and felt her heart clench. She pushed back the pain to focus on the fact that she was back. She didn't want to dive down into the complications of their relationship, not if Astra was content to act like nothing had ever happened.

Though she knew that wouldn't last.

So she reveled in the firm hand that took her wrist as soon as her emptied glass hit the bar. She was tugged to her feet and Astra led her to the dancefloor.

Alex groaned as Astra stepped up behind her, hands gripping her hips too tight. They grinded to the beat of the music, falling into synch easily. They had been together long enough to know what the other liked and apparently still knew each other enough to predict the other's moves.

Astra's mouth claimed Alex's neck. She bit into her spot, where she used to always mark Alex, and practically felt her melt in her arms.

"Astra," She moaned out. Her head lolled to the side and she said loud enough to be heard over the music, "I missed this."

And she had. _So much_. She hadn't done anything but work and drink since Astra had left. Maggie had been a recent option, but trying to replicate _this_ feeling hadn't been working.

The declaration was bittersweet. "A bold statement," Astra said. She scrapped her teeth down her throat.

Intoxicated Alex might think getting back together would be alright, but she wanted Sober Alex's confession.

Astra held Alex's hips hard, imagining the bruises that would form. Their carefree fun would probably come back to bite her in the ass; she could already feel her need welling up dangerously. But there was no way she could survive fucking Alex without talking things out first.

* * *

The chill of the night sobered them both as they sat in Astra's car. The key was in the ignition but she didn't turn it just yet. This moment of reality rushing back weighed them down.

Alex propped her arm onto the side of the car and rested her head against her hand. The alcohol kept her face flushed. Astra looked over and fought a smile, thinking back to the nights that she used to pass out in her car- those nights when Astra half-dragged her into her apartment and carried her to bed.

"Do you want me to drop you off at your place?" Astra finally asked.

She shook her head no. Alex didn't want to be alone and she still burned from their dancing. If they ended up at her apartment now, she knew she'd ask Astra to stay. "Can't we stay out?"

She felt a tug in her heart, remembering the first time Alex had suggested that. "A drive then?" She recited the same words from months ago.

"Sounds perfect."

Astra twisted the key and the crank of the engine completed the old ceremony. It felt as right as it had back then. Alex turned on the radio, glad when one of Astra's favorite CDs started blaring. She rolled down her window to stick her hand out into the wind.

The older woman mimicked the motion with her hair whipping wildly from the wind. She had to stop herself from putting her hand on Alex's knee as they got on the highway towards the ocean.

To _their_ beach.

* * *

After a clumsy walk in the loose sand to the shoreline, the two women sat close together. Not quite touching, but close enough to take comfort in the other's body heat. The night air was chilly from the ocean breeze. The stars glimmered and the moon glowed affectionately above them. Alex took off her shoes and buried her feet in the cold sand.

Astra leaned back on her hands, looking up and wondering where to start their talk. She spared a glance at Alex's hunched form before finding the opening words.

"I am sorry for leaving."

Alex scoffed, digging a hand into the sand and clenching it into a fist. She felt the sand slip through her fingers. "I pushed you away."

She wouldn't deny that.

**

**Last Winter Break**

_Alex lay underneath Astra, submissive to her attacks on her senses. The bedroom smelled of sex. Astra's sweat sleeked body was flush on hers and a tight grip held her wrists together on the pillow under her head. Her other hand was moving unapologetically rough causing Alex to arch and clench her eyes shut. They panted for breath in between frenzied kisses that tasted of Astra's earlier release._

_Astra supported her weight on the arm holding Alex's hands so she could push back enough to look at her. Alex came down from her high all at once, relaxing and looking at peace._

_She couldn't help herself when Alex sighed happily. "I love you so fucking much," Astra hissed in her heavily pierced ear. She watched her react, fear clearly written on Alex's face._

_Those words had always gone unsaid._

_Alex gasped, eyes shooting open. They had been unofficially together for months as uncomplicated date mates with benefits. They never established titles for the other, certainly never talked about feelings beyond what felt good in bed. She hadn't expected Astra to break their unspoken rule._

_If they had broken before Alex found out the truth, she would've gladly returned the sentiment. Now the feelings of love and adoration and lust were tainted by resentment. Perhaps jealousy if she wanted to be honest with herself, but Alex wasn't one to analyze her feelings. All that mattered as far as she was concerned was how terrified she felt._

_Because finding out that Astra had a husband had been infuriating. But finding out from Kara and not her? That had been a devastating blow. The hurt and rage had consumed her for the rest of the night._

_He might've been an estranged husband, but he just as easily might've been the one Astra goes home to when she leaves Alex's apartment._

_She wanted to fight about it and demand answers, but at the same time she didn't want to face it. She didn't think she could handle the truth, if she was just some easy side chick kept a secret from her husband. The anger of Astra's omission was outweighed by her bitterness._

_Astra's pouty frown made Alex snap. "Yeah, okay." Her tone sardonic enough that the woman above her flinched slightly._

_Her heart clenched at Alex's annoyed scowl. Astra finally moved, sitting up with her legs tucked underneath her. She looked down at her and asked, "Why are you upset?"_

_Alex sat up, yanking the covers from the foot of the bed to cover herself. "Kara told me about Non." She noticed Astra's eyebrows furrow in confusion, so she angrily continued. "You have a fuckin' husband and I'm- it's driving me crazy thinking about it! I- God dammit Astra! I've never felt this way about someone."_

_"Alex, it is not what you think." She wanted to reach out to her._

_She huffed, "Of course it's not. You just never told me, you let me believe that we were-" She stopped, shaking her head. She couldn't get the words past the lump stuck painfully in her throat._

_Astra hadn't thought Alex would be this distressed about her marriage. "I have not seen Non in years." She explained, "He is in a maximum security prison in Nevada."_

_She shifted to reach for Alex's shoulder but stopped when the other woman recoiled. Her profession of love had been cast aside and mocked, and now she wasn't allowed to give or receive comfort. That was Astra's breaking point. The hurt slipped away, sealed behind a wall of apathy. After years of emotional abuse from her family, she could barely help the response._

_Alex met her gaze, eyes hard and as guarded as Astra, and said, "Can you leave? I want to be alone."_

_Astra didn't want to regret confessing to Alex. She wanted to stay and work this out, but she understood that Alex needed some space to process. Plus Astra wasn't in the right state of mind to discuss feelings; her tone would be too cold and clinical until she came down from this coping mechanism._

_"I will call tonight." Harsh and mechanical. She inwardly cringed, but stood and gathered her clothes. She went to the living room to dress. A low growl escaped her as she slammed Alex's apartment door close behind her._

* * *

Alex remembered ignoring her call that night. She had been drunk off her ass and in the middle of deciding to end whatever they had started.

Knowing Alex was thinking of their last night together too, Astra admitted "If it helps, I have divorced him."

The state had granted her the separation easily enough. She probably should've finalized it when he had been convicted, but she never saw the need. Her bond with him had ended when he maniacally led a division of her soldiers into unauthorized territory with treasonous intent. The foolish insubordination caused half of the regime to perish and the rest to be jailed. Their relationship was always strained before that, so it had been a relief for him to be put away.

Still, back when she first met Alex she hadn't wanted to unload that baggage. Now she realized it had been selfish to subject her to arguably immoral decisions without her knowledge.

"I apologize for keeping my marriage a secret."

"I didn't really care…" Alex grumbled.

Astra raised an eyebrow, skeptical. When she didn't elaborate, Astra said, "So you were just afraid, Brave One?"

Despite the guilt of the past and hurting Astra, her pride didn't take that (correct) accusation well. "It was more than me being scared."

"Then what was it?" Astra asked. She kept her voice even, "I spent months wondering what I had done to infuriate you enough to completely ignore me instead of talk it out."

She saw Alex hunch in on herself more. Sand kicked up as she moved to sit cross legged. How she was closing up bit at Astra. The older woman set her jaw as the silence stretched on.

"This is not easy for me either," Astra snapped, hands fisting in the sand.

Alex looked like she was going to argue with her shoulder straightening defensively. So Astra moved to slap a hand right above Alex's knee. It was a safe-for-public power move to signal Alex to _shut the hell up_. Wide brown eyes met Astra's narrowed ones. She could read the self-pity and the guilt and the apology, but Astra didn't want that now.

She wanted to rant and Alex was gonna damn well listen. "You made me incredibly happy." The wistfulness probably wasn't a good way to start a tirade, but she persevered. "I never had a romance like ours. I could be myself and we were simple and fun- at first."

Her pointed look made Alex's head drop slightly.

"I loved you." The sincerity and pain in Astra's voice combined with the gentle squeeze of her knee made her repress a shake. Astra inhaled deep and lifted one shoulder in a half shrug, "I suppose I still do to be quite honest with myself."

The admission left Alex feeling like she had been sucker punched. Because she still loved the other woman too, still felt the crushing guilt of knowing she had hurt her. In spite of her shame of pushing Astra away, hope rose like balloons. She couldn't even try to articulate an apology or admit she had loved her this whole time too, since the hand held firm on her knee. It wasn't her turn to speak yet.

"And I truly believe you loved me too," Alex wanted to argue the past tense, "Despite your guarantees that you never did."

Astra frowned, remembering when she had finally stormed up to Alex's apartment after a couple days of being ignored. Alex had stood in the doorway with her arms crossed. She had asked if this, if breaking up, was really what Alex had wanted. She had made her swear that it wasn't about Non. She had made Alex promise that she didn't love her back.

It had been a torture session in short. Astra's feelings ripped to shreds by Alex's reassurances that she didn't want anything to do with her anymore. And like she always did, Astra had walked away. She could stand and fight all day long at her job, but as soon as she was vulnerable…

It wasn't too much later that she realized that her and Alex were one and the same. Unsure and afraid of intimacy, both novices in this kind of love.

"Our time apart has allowed me to think properly. I understand what happened and I forgive you." Astra finally moved her hand from Alex's knee.

And Alex had no idea where to start. She looked away at the sand.

"I didn't-" She struggled for words. Mind whirling incoherent. Dial-up noises. Then she gazed back at Astra and it all came flooding out. "I thought it wouldn't last… Not just, you know, our relationship but also my feelings for you."

"I was scared. Yeah, I was angry and hurt about Non, but only because you kept him a secret from me! And I wanted…" She wanted a drink right now… "I pushed you away 'cause I couldn't deal with how much I loved you. I felt too vulnerable after Kara told me and- I'm… I'm a horrible person."

"I should have tried to talk to you again…"

Alex shook her head. "I wouldn't have listened."

Astra raised a hand to stroke Alex's cheek, fighting a smirk as she sucked in a breath. "I am glad to see that has changed."

"Hardly," She snorted, but still leaned into her touch. "I'm still… I'm so-"

Alex didn't know why the word wouldn't come out. Gods, she wanted to beg for forgiveness. Maybe fling herself into Astra's arms and cry...

"I forgive you." Astra said again. "And I think we should try once more."

Her heart clenched and her jaw dropped. "I still love you." Alex finally admitted, swallowing. "And I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Astra…"

Astra let herself smile. "I am so relieved to hear that." She pulled the smaller woman into her chest, arms wrapping around her. "Let yourself have this. You deserve love."

Alex hugged back, clinging. She melted as a hand came up to pet her hair.

* * *

They went back to Alex's apartment, timid but neither willing to part for the remainder of the night. So Astra slipped into Alex's bed, wearing the pajamas the other woman had kept during their break.

"Is this okay?" Astra asked as she cuddled Alex from behind.

Alex snuggled back into her, sighing happily. It felt right to be in her arms again, but as she stared at the dark wall of her bedroom she twisted in Astra's arms. The other woman removed her hand, starting to scoot back, but before she could get far Alex was facing her and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Come here." Alex whispered.

Astra was reminded of how much she adored her. She held Alex close, their legs tangled together and her chin resting on the crown of her head.

Neither moved all night. They barely even slept. They exchanged kisses once; Alex pressed a kiss to the middle of Astra's chest and Astra kissed her forehead.

But as the sun rose, the air around them changed awkward and hesitant. Like they were walking on eggshells that hadn't been there last night.

Astra was still worried that Alex was hanging onto some fear, something that kept her walls up. It was hard not to notice and even harder to trust. Astra was the first to leave the bed, going to the kitchen for breakfast, with Alex following right behind for coffee.

"Everything okay, Brave One?"

She nodded, taking a sip of her scalding hot drink. "Yeah." She watched Astra move around the kitchen to prepare another bowl of cereal. It felt so good to have her back, but she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve her. "Um, I'm gonna go take a shower."

She set the mostly full mug of coffee in front of Astra to let her have the rest. Then she reached up to twirl the lock of silver in Astra's hair. "It's just surreal that you're back here… I never thought I'd see you again…" Alex kissed her cheek. "I'll be back in a few."

* * *

Alex felt like bashing her head into the shower wall. Astra's guarded look, the slight hurt and distrust masked, haunted her as she tried to wash. She couldn't understand why Astra would ever come back.

The guilt of ignoring her, of pushing her away, and breaking both of their hearts gutted her. Somehow Astra had managed to forgive her, but forgiving herself seemed impossible…

Except Astra was offering her a chance to make it up to her.

They could talk this time. They could make this work. Not even despite the past, but because they could learn from their mistakes.

Alex still felt the icy grip of fear, but found redemption too tempting to resist. She didn't want to run anymore, she wanted to prove herself.

And the determination lifted the invisible weight from her shoulders. She accepted it all at once- the love and forgiveness. She was going to surrender her heart to Astra. And if somehow they couldn't last (though she couldn't imagine a life without Astra), then so be it.

She exited the shower, feeling cleaner and lighter. She dressed and went to the living room. The balcony door was open and Astra stood leaning against the wall, pensive.

Alex smiled at the peacefulness of the moment. She came up to stand beside her.

She placed a hand over hers, "Astra, there were so many days I wanted to call you. To talk to you again. I missed you more than you know…" She laughed lightly, "I don't know how you can forgive me, but I'm so fuckin' thankful."

Astra turned and grinned down at her. Alex leaned up to kiss her, then let out a shaky breath as she pulled back. "Just so we're on the same page. I want you and I love you. I won't run from my feelings anymore," She promised.

"And you could not push me away again if you tried." She smirked, "You are stuck with me, Alexandra."

_And after everything…_

"I love you," Alex said again.

Astra smiled. "I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, this fic was going to feature one horribly angsty ending as called for by the last song of the album, Outro. In light of recent events, I wanted a happy ending! 
> 
> While I refuse to write it as part of the fic, if you want the notes for the angst here you go:
> 
> After making up and being in love and happy, Alex is driving them to idk Dairy Queen to get a couple late night blizzards. A truck slams into them and they hit a tree. Alex wakes up in the hospital and Kara is crying and Astra is dead. Kara got to say her goodbyes but Alex never did...


End file.
